Ice Cream Mountain
July 20th.
All I could think about today was how similar it feels to think about childhood memories and the future.
Like …
There’s an equal amount of distance between the two and now.
Just standing in the middle.
It feels …
Like it’d be just as easy to travel back to the memories as it would be to travel to the future.
And when you sit on that thought long enough…
It feels exactly like right now.
My future feels like my childhood.
I know the things that made me feel good in my childhood…
So if I just lean into those things now…
I’ll rapidly accelerate towards my future it seems.
Adulthood… merely the trauma of destroying the dreams of the child you were.
Dramatic.
I don’t think anyone starts feeling bad until they’re forced to grow up…
Grownups live in the actual world of make believe where … you have to be serious.
You’re not allowed to imagine.
You have to be a productive member of the make-believe society.
All work no play.
Who the fuck chose to end everyone’s playtime so we could pay taxes?
A world of make believe in which one’s energy is harvested and life is…
stolen.
So odd.
It all really does seem like some sort of game though…
I watch my children play and see how they create games…
Make rules…
Find loopholes…
Change the rules…
Doing what they can to …
keep the odds in their favor if they created the game…
Finding a way to beat the odds if they didn’t…
“I don’t like this game, I don’t wanna play anymore.”
The rules get changed to seem more … fair…
Sometimes there’s legitimate resolve and the play goes on happily ever after for all parties involved…
Other times..
Other times there’s deception.
Sometimes the control of play feels better than the play.
Sometimes you’re told the game is fair when it clearly isn’t...
Sometimes the game is just so obviously unfair the play becomes…
a rapidly intensifying anger…
quickly the game comes to an end in such circumstances.
Play shitty games win shitty prizes.
Sometimes you’re just not good at the game though…
I’d argue there’s no merit in being good at shitty games.
A good game makes you wanna get better at it.
A good game makes you feel…
accomplished.
And maybe not so much like another cog in the machine.
Maybe not so much like…
a sacrificial pawn.