Rotational Mass

July 21^st.

72 days sober.

9 days no Aethos.

One of these things much harder than the other.

My wheelset has finally arrived however.

I can’t wait to ride my fucking bike.

I can feel myself decaying.

I feel exceptionally tired.

Unenthused.

Serotonin being pulled from the reserves.

I’m almost curious …

I’m curious as to what happens if I refrain from doing anything at all that actually gives my brain the chemicals it needs to function pseudo-normally…

Would it .. just adjust?

Is this … ignorance is bliss?

I sit here…

at my desk

typing on the keyboard

but longing for the feeling of grasping cinelli cork tape while descending the high road…

the muscle memory

moving through my synapses

like a ghost in the machine

What feels like anxiety…

is actually just

reverberations of thrill

still

watching the words appear on this screen

as I type

but in my legs feeling

a steady

steady

rhythm

as the bike vanishes from beneath me

and I dissolve into time and space

only to reappear

for simple carbs in the form of haribo sour gummi bears

and mexican coke

at a gas station halfway between san antone and home

But that last line is more or less bullshit because that route would be much too flat for my liking…

Five of swords.