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July 18th...

I could get a typewriter.

And go to the library once a week.

And scan pages in.

To update this website.

Could becomes will when I think about the joy that would bring me.

I could…

Actually remove myself from all of this entirely.

And mail a physical newsletter.

Actually go through the process of … collecting addresses.

Going to the post office.

Buying stamps.

I’ve felt this way for so long.

Growing up I’d always tell people that one day, I’d simply vanish.

I didn’t think that I’d just be able to do it in plain sight.

I fantasized about a cabin in the middle of the woods…

An old ford pickup truck.

Nobody for miles.

Now it’d simply be enough to just…

Toss my iPhone into Town Lake and get a landline.

The people I like to see are at the places I like to go.

The people I don’t get to see, they call.

I’m staring at the mixer that sits just behind my laptop’s screen.

The green power light reflecting off of the jacks plugged into it.

Feels like the glow of the moon when your headlight dies on your evening bike ride.

A little more dim?

Yes, but only until your eyes adjust.

Only until your eyes adjust and you realize just how much more you can see, just how much more you can… sense.

You left for the bike ride knowing the light would die just to chase this feeling.

“I don’t need it as much to see, as I need it to be seen.”

And in saying that, you know the burden is still on you.

And that’s probably for the better.

Well well well…

Would you believe I just pulled the Ten of Cups?