Centrifuge State

“You can play an upright piano faster than a grand piano.”

This repeats in my head as Delta tells the girls they should come up with songs because they want to, because it makes them feel good. Not for external validation.

External Validation.

Existential Validation.

Existential Validation.

Ex is ten tial Vali dation.

The kingdom of heaven comes from within.

I do sometimes laugh at the fact that … I’m just putting these words together and they all happen to fall in the exact order I need them to in order to … convey the message.

No reason why I couldn’t be doing this on .. like X or Threads.

Instead, I pay to host my own website.

Existential validation vs external validation.

I don’t know.

I talked to Julissa yesterday and she mentioned how it’s always been very important for me to be my authentic self and that it’d be hard for me to give that up.

AHHHHHH.

My authentic self has constantly been questioning its existence.

I’ve seen and heard my name a couple times throughout the week and it didn’t register.

I had to process… that … this is the title which people are expecting me to react to.

Even a name is participatory.

It feels … weird.

A man with many names, I’ll respond to the right one from the right person but …

I don’t feel like anybody is choosing the right one these days and I don’t know which one… to … suggest.

Having a name is humanizing.

I don’t feel human.

I feel beyond.

I will continue on when my name and the dates in which I occupied this physical realm are etched onto a headstone.

A name…

External Existential Validation.

I exist, call me this.

To be without a name…

A Phenomena.

I don’t even know…

What external validation would do for me…

Solipsistic so it seems.

How weird solipsism can be if…

We’re creating this whole labyrinth for ourselves just to reveal that…

The kingdom of heaven comes from within.

Centrifuge State.